A Fat Cup of Sugar 15

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Dylan Weber

Ah yes, nothing like a cup of joe with unhealthy amounts of sugar, chocolate, whipped cream, and high fructose corn syrup. Women often wonder why they are fat. It may be because they have a cup of diabetes in their hand.

Now people may say “NO NO, I have tea, therefore, it’s healthy.” While people may be right, you forget that little Tombutu in Guatemala is harvesting the leaves for your Starblast tea. The main point is that it’s unhealthy and overall not worth people’s hard earned cash to buy an overrated drink.

Money, something that everyone desires. A crucial part of everyone’s life. But why spend so much of it on some cup of caffeine? That’s a good question. Also, a question that can’t often be answered. One could ask one of the average customers that participate in the act of buying the science experiment that is a Starbuck’s product.

They wouldn’t be able to answer. I conducted some personal research and have come up with the conclusion that the average answer is “Well, it’s like, super good, and tasty *smacks lips with sass*, and like yea, anyway, does this blouse make me look . . .” I ended the conversation early because I was losing brain cells as the interview continued.

As my research went on, I asked multiple soccer moms what they think of Starbucks, “It helps me cope,” one says, “with the immense amounts of stress that comes with children.” With all of these wonderful things said, I decided to try the drink myself.

In fact, I drank it almost every day for a week. It was garbage. It left my wallet crying. I got the “Mocha Frappuccino” from the menu, a drink that’s heavy in chocolate, sugar and other unhealthy things. It felt like as if I was going to OD on sugar. I expected to feel lifted and energized but my hypothesis was incorrect.   

While this was a short experiment, I conclude that Starbucks is not worth it. Tune in next time on why name brands are supposedly better than regular T-Shirts.

15 comments

  1. Ok sure, Starbucks frappuccinos aren´t exactly the healthiest, nor are they very much coffee. However, if you look at other things Americans eat (yes Cheetos, Doritos, etc.), they are actually a lot worse. These snack products have chemicals that are completely unknown. When you look at the ingredients for a frappuccino online. I´m not saying they´re healthy, but I feel like you are overlooking frappuccinos.

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    • Yea true but I wanted to write about something people don’t usually consider unhealthy. Plus I wanted to target a certain chain that people rely on, so I thought Coffee! Starbucks is HUGE so I wanted to show how something that people use as a crutch in everyday life is hurting more than helping them.

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  2. This story is amazing! Even with Starbucks gift cards, my mom doesn’t want to spend anything on their coffee or drinks. My mom knows what’s best for me and my family.

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